May 20, 2009

How do you fix the drain to your tub? Well it’s a simple task that can be done in 20 minutes with a few parts from the Home Depot. All you need is a plumber’s wrench, some sealant, and a few feet of pipe that are the same shape, size and width as the pipe you are replacing. Now shut off the water, remove the old pipe, put in the new pipe, seal, tighten and tadaaa! You now have a fully functional tub drain once more.

Of course it is never that easy. Here’s how our tub got fixed. Step one, visit favorite diner next door to the house you used to live in. Chat up the owner (who is an adorable mid-twenties Portuguese woman, very nice, love her to death) and get her to find you a cheap plumber. She calls up her very Portuguese mother and you can try to eavesdrop on their very loud and very funny mother-daughter conversation that is entirely in Portuguese. I do not know Portuguese but I could tell you exactly what the conversation was about, since most mother-daughter conversations go this way. She asks for number to the plumber she knows, mother says “Oh no, use this guy he’s great,” “No, mom, I just want to call so-and-so” and after all that you get the number for Vanür, a Brazilian plumber who only speaks Brazilian Portuguese and that no one you know can vouch for. Great! End of step one.

Step two, drive 40 minutes to pick up plumber, drive back 40 minutes to house (with plumbing) and let the guy stare at the bottom of your tub for a bit. Now take him to Home Depot so he can get the appropriate parts. Drive back to house. Drive back to Home depot to get parts he forgot. Drive back to house. Wait 4 hours for him to finish work. Then drive 40 minutes back to drop off plumber while your tub is still leaking and he is telling you in very broken English that “es un CLOG, use el Drano, si, es muy bueno, etc. etc.” Oh, and by the way my husband does indeed speak Portuguese, but he wont tell me what they are talking about, only that he doesn’t know the word for pipe and that the language from Portugal and Brazil is different. True, since there is an entire ocean in between them, that would make sense.

Step three, use Drano, wait overnight and voila, tub is fixed. It’s been two days but I’m still crossing my fingers hoping that something doesn’t go horribly wrong.

Now throughout this whole mess, I stayed home cleaned and scrubbed everything in the kitchen, rearranged some furniture, put away all the dishes and food and we now have two fully complete rooms. One to sleep in and one to cook in. That’s all we need right? Only six more areas to complete.

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