Turning a line in a song into the end of who I am.

I was backing up through a crowd, just barely dodging his grasps at me. The crowd wouldn’t move out of my way, they wanted me to be caught. He was stumbling, leaning on people as he struggled closer. I could see the tears on the face as clearly as I could smell the vodka on his breath.
“Just leave me alone!” I turned to run away.
“I can’t live without you!” He wailed as he dropped to his knees, clinging onto the pants of one of his friends who had come to console him. I could hear him sobbing into the fabric of her clothing, her consoling him called me a wretched bitch who didn’t know what she had. He was probably still downing alcohol, and considering how to fit this moment into song.

I had left him. We had only “dated” for two weeks. We went out to a football game tonight, and before the sun had even set he was taking shots of alcohol from an nondescript bottle. “Why do you have to do that?” “It numbs the pain.” I didn’t need this. I had told him I was leaving, and I could see him put it through his “emo” filter, the pain and agony were heightened. He overreacted. He could live without me.

I walked around, looking for a familiar face. I zipped up my jacket to cover myself more, and noticed the boy who sat next to me in my english class. I walked over, “Hi, it’s Sean right?”
“Yea, hi. Are you okay?” I had been crying.
“I know we just met but could you do me a favor? There’s this guy chasing me and I don’t really want to wander around alone.”
“Sure, hang out with us.”

I don’t remember much of what we talked about that night. I remember a boy coming over and staring at my breasts. “34 B, right?” “Um, yea?” I replied trying to cover myself. “Justin is coming over here.” Sean held me close to him. I could smell his cologne on his black t-shirt. He had dark hair, very light skin with light freckles. He had steel grey eyes. I would fall in love with those eyes, and it was those eyes…
“Come back to me Tobyn, I need you, I can’t live without you. You are a part of my soul. Please come back to me.” Tears were streaming down his face, he was hunched over while he was pleading.
“Leave me alone Justin, just go away. I don’t want to be with you, you’ll be fine.”
“Please, Tobyn!–” He began to plead again and reached out to me. Sean turned me to his side, clutching me closer and cut him off. “She doesn’t want to be with you. Go away,” Justin looked to me, then to Sean, and back. He walked away, digging into his jacket for his drink.
I looked up at Sean, smiling. “Thank you”
“Not a problem.” I tried to take a small step away but he still held me close. Wrapping his other hand around me, I could feel him lean his cheek against my hair. I hadn’t meant for this to happen. He smelled so good. Why do boys keep wanting me? They never paid any attention before. His clothes were so soft, his hold stronger than Justin.
I found myself pressing him up against a wall, my tongue touching his, his arms still held tight around me, we were part of the few who were last to leave.
“Would you like to see a movie tomorrow with me?” He ran his fingers through my hair.
“Sure, call me with a time” We walked up to the parking lot interlocking fingers, sure to let go before coming into eye sight of our parents. I looked back as I got into the car but he was gone.
“You have fun?”
“Yea, I guess so.”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: